Sometimes you wake up crushed. Sleep was not restful, but tossed and turned about, barely awake and barely asleep all at once. You roll out of bed and face the day, sullen and longing for the covers. The morning moments pass and all at once the weight presses in full and the tears come. You bury your face in your hands, hiding them from the sparkling eyes of your firstborn. But he toddles near and you play peekaboo through tears and choke back sobs because the sweet, sweet face only makes it worse, but also better at the same time. You mumble a prayer under your breath and push against that ache that you can’t quite place the source of, though you know it’s a conglomeration of so many things, good, bad, true, lied, and all the in between.
The day goes on and you fight, tossing rocks off your heart, earnestly reminding yourself of all you know and have learned and are learning about living gratefully. Sometimes it comes through grit and sometimes through grace, but always you come back to the knowledge that you are the radiant force in your life. And so you let your light shine, and you polish it with the stuff that makes you feel good, like snuggling that sparkly eyed toddler, and sipping hot chocolate, and taking hot showers, and creating – creating art and creating intention.
And though overwhelming often comes without warning, you watch for it. You stand fast in your truth and in your hope. You send up a prayer in faith of reinforcement. Bravely and with strength you face down that which stands in the way of your joy. And with love, always with love, you move forward.
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